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The life of Adam
The life of Adam
Jul 10th
This to those that have gotten in my way and held me down over the years. Enjoy.
For everything you do
I’d like to swallow you
And everyday I’m gonna blame you
Even If you justify
Every fuckin’ bullshit lie
It only makes me want to break you
You pull me down
And you crucify my name
You make me insane
It’s broken now
Don’t ever look my way
Don’t even think I’m playin’
‘Cause I fuckin’ hate you
You’re such a liar
I love to hate you
You’re all the same to me
When you repeatedly
Take advantage of me
The only thought I get of you
Sickens me
Everybody knows your fake
You’re everything I fuckin’ hate
And I’m everything you’ll never be
You pull me down
And you crucify my name
You make me insane
It’s broken now
Don’t ever look my way
Don’t even think I’m playin
‘Cause I fuckin’ hate you
You’re such a liar
I love to hate you
You’re all the same to me
I fuckin’ hate you
You’re such a liar
I love to hate you
You’re all the same to me
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
You pull me down
And you crucify my name
You make me insane
It’s broken now
Don’t ever look my way
Don’t even think I’m playin’
‘Cause I fuckin’ hate you
You’re such a liar
I love to hate you
You’re all the same to me
And I fuckin’ hate you
You’re such a liar
I love to hate you
You’re all the same to me
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
May 29th
Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
Well I don’t know if I’m ready
To be the man I have to be
I’ll take a breath, I’ll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we’ve created life
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I’ll show you love
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I’ll show you everything …oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open
[Guitar Break]
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open…
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I’ll show you love
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I’ll show you everything..oh yeah
With arms wide open….wide open
May 20th
Approximately five weeks ago, I started back to the gym in a big way. My progress has been pretty decent thus far. For example, my one rep max on the bench press went from ~235lbs to 275lbs. My leg press is up over 700lbs when it used to be below ~500lbs. I can now out 10 pull ups with ease whereas before, I struggled to do even three. My dumbbell curl used to be a max of 30lbs for five to seven reps and now I can rep 50′s. My tricep press-downs went from a max of 100lbs for 10 reps to 150lbs for 12 to 15 reps. My only gripe is my shoulders. They have made the least amount of progress. I don’t know why, but my right shoulder has always had issues and I can remember a time years back when I had 80lb dumbbells hovering over my head while doing a shoulder press and my right shoulder gave out which caused the dumbbell to come crashing down on the top of my head and then ended up on the floor after bouncing off my right quad. My shoulder press started off at 40lbs and is now at 60lbs which is progress at least, but not as much as I would have liked to have seen. These are just some of the stats and methods I’m using to gauge my progress and strength increases. By no means are they scientific or precise, but they’re good enough for me as of now.
As for my weight, I’ve lost about 3/4 to an inch off my waist but have put on a solid 3 pounds. What this tells me is that I’m stacking on quality muscle mass while burning fat. My method of determining my waist size isn’t very scientific, however. I use my pants as a gauge. Week by week, my jeans get looser and looser and now there to the point where they’re two sizes too big. I started off weighing in at ~215lbs and now I’m between 218lbs and 220lbs depending on the day.
Visually, I can see an increase in the width of my lats, my traps are slowly climbing up the sides of my neck, my chest is starting to take shape and my arms are getting a little more definition. Not too much has changed, visually, with my legs though. My midsection still disgusts me but I know I have to be patient and over time, it will get better. Patience is not a virtue of mine but a drastic transformation like what I’m going for ain’t gonna happen in a day, a week or a month.
Overall, I’m pleased (but not ecstatic) with my progress. I have been keeping up with my photo journal and referencing my pictures every so often and comparing current shots with the first ones taken. There is a noticeable difference and that is keeping me going and pushing me harder and harder to get where I want to be.
Stay tuned for more updates.
May 20th
Need a good post-workout shake? I’ve got the answer for you. Here’s two recipes for the protein shakes I drink…
The “peanut butter cup” shake:
1 scoop Optimum Gold Standard chocolate whey protein
3 ounces of water
2 whole eggs
1 tablespoon of peanut butter
1 teaspoon of l-glutamine powder
The “mocha” shake:
1 scoop of Optimum Gold Standard chocolate whey protein
3 ounces of black (preferably a bold roast) coffee
3 whole eggs
1 teaspoon of l-glutamine powder
When making the “mocha” shake, make sure the coffee is NOT HOT. If it is, it will essentially boil the egg whites and you’ll get chunks of it in your shake. A shaker bottle won’t work when making these either. The peanut butter is too think to blend properly and the eggs won’t mix as well. The reason I like whole eggs is because the thickness of them helps suspend the relatively heavy granules of the l-glutamine powder so as to prevent the powder from settling at the bottom of the cup and making the last few sips of the shake fell like your drinking wet sand. Use whatever chocolate protein you like. I just happen to prefer Optimum’s whey because it works well for me and it’s what I’ve always used. Both shakes contain around 48 to 54 grams of protein which, from what I’ve read, is about the maximum amount of protein you want to take in at once. I’m not a supplement guru, however, so do your own research and make some of your own concoctions. Get creative! If you come up with anything you think I may like, post it in the comments or shoot me a message via the “Contact” page.
May 10th
On July 17th, 2008 you changed my life forever. I saw you for the first time and you saw the world you will come to know. As you were delivered, I wasn’t sure what to think. I was scared and filled with joy and tears at the same time. You were so little, so fragile and so cute. I helped create you and I still can not comprehend this and I don’t think I ever will. I helped give you life.
Almost two years later, I have watched you grow and develop into my little man. When you look at me and say “daddy!” my heart melts and I have to choke back tears of joy. I love just watching you do what you do. You fascinate me with how you’ve grown and the things you have learned. Playing with you, coloring with you and especially watching Blue’s Clues with you are some of the things I will remember for the rest of my life. I’ve watched you take your first steps, I’ve watched you speak your first words, I’ve watched you grow and develop your own personality and will continue to do so for the rest of my years.
I will do my best to raise you like your Great Grandpa raised me. I will show you how to be a good, honest, caring and loving person. I can only hope that I will be an influential part of your life and you will continue to be Daddy’s little buddy. You will always be my baby boy even when you’re a full grown man. As you grow, I hope you take cues from me as far what to do as a person and especially learn from my mistakes and learn what not to do.
I feel everything that you feel. When you’re happy, so am I. When you hurt, I do as well. We have a special connection that can only be had by a father and son. I will foster this bond as I hope you will to and it will only get stronger as the days, months and years go by. I not only am proud to be your father, but hopefully, I will also be your friend that you can come to whenever you want or need to. I will always be there for you.
I love you my son. Always and forever.
May 1st
One more step and I could fall away
If it happened would it matter
And I can’t tell if I should go or stay.
Same old picture feels so hollow.
How can anybody know what’s best for me
Another page I turn in shame.
And my decisions brought me to my knees,
I needed someone to blame.
I feel so hollow
I feel so hollow
Time to do what’s best for me I believe I can change.
Once upon a time in broken dreams.
Reflections that I can’t face.
So hold your breath and make a wish for me.
Take me to a better place.
Time always seems to be passing by
It never waits for me
If I could do it all one more time, I wouldn’t change a thing.
I feel so hollow, I feel so hollow
I feel so hollow, I feel so hollow
Time to do what’s best for me I believe I can change.
If you’ve taken the time to read the lyrics to the song above, you can get a pretty good idea of how I have been feeling for a number of weeks now. I have nothing inside of me; no heart, no soul, no mind to keep me living and pressing on. The words above parallel my life as of this moment and it’s slowly killing me; almost as if a knife has been plunged into my chest slowly over the last month. The happiness that I had felt and showed was just masking my true feelings. I think I did a fairly good job of fooling those around me. Now, it’s time to take down the front and show myself. “One more step and I could fall away, If it happened would it matter” is a truly accurate statement for me. What I’ve done (and those that know understand what I’m referencing) over the course of being on my own has pushed me to the edge and one more step taken in the direction I’m going will surely push me over the edge. Every verse of this song has meaning to me and I could write a book just on this one piece. I won’t, I’m not here to push my feelings on others or seek pity. This is just how I feel and music is a great expression of my feelings.
Apr 21st
So, after slacking off from the gym for way too long, I decided to get hardcore again about my personal fitness. Inspired by my best friend, Dan, and his venture with his Beach Body project, I’m going to get into Beach Body as well. My primary reason for doing so is to keep me motivated to transform myself once again and, secondly, parlay my training experience into a business for myself like Dan is doing.
Today, I had my initial body shots taken and I was disgusted with what I saw. Looking at myself in the mirror is one thing, but seeing photos of myself gave me a new perspective on my body image. To sum it up, I look like a grabastic wad of cookie dough. I absolutely have to do something about the way I look. Not just for superficial reasons like you may think, but to boost my self esteem like I did in the past when I transformed myself to get into the Air Force as well as to improve my overall health and quality of life.
Over the last week, I’ve started to get re-acclimated to the gym. I had forgotten a lot of what I had taught myself and what I had learned from Dan, but it’s coming back to me slowly. My areas of focus will be my upper body with a strong focus on my arms. My arms aren’t all that small for the time I took off from the gym, but I want to go beyond having ‘twin cannons’ and stack myself with some BFG’s (for those that remember playing Doom back in the day, you will know what I mean; those that don’t, the BFG was the ‘biggest fucking gun’ in the game…) My legs are still pretty decent, but I’ve always been blessed with two tree trunks to walk on and massive calves from playing drums and working a double-bass pedal for so many years. I can see three out of four of the various muscles that make up the quads. With a little work, I should be able to get my leg press back to well over a half a ton and make all four muscles visible and striated.
Lifting won’t be enough, though. Diet and supplementing will also play a critical part in my overall transformation. Right now, my supplement stack consists of L-glutamine, L-arginine, creatine, protein and some additional BCAA’s (‘Branch Chain Amino Acids’ for those that aren’t familiar with that acronym). My protein shakes are my own concoction. Protein alone is great, but I add a little extra to it in the form of a teaspoon of Jif peanut butter and two whole eggs. I know that egg yolks have a fair amount of cholesterol in them but the extra grams of protein are worth the cholesterol, in my opinion. When I was training for the Air Force, my primary focus was to lose weight and my calorie intake on a daily basis was no more than 1200 to 1400 kcal. This time around, I’m trying to find a balance of muscle building and weight loss. Those that are into fitness know that one pound of muscle is a lot more dense than one pound of fat so adding, for example, 10 pounds of muscle won’t add nearly as much extra mass than 10 pounds of fat carries. Adding muscle is also beneficial in the fact that muscle mass can consume fat for energy, so in a round about way putting on extra weight in the form of muscle mass can reduce body fat. It’s a win-win situation.
I’m going to switch gears and talk a little about my strength training. Once upon a time, when I was younger, my bench was a solid 315 to 325 and my body weight was right around 200lbs. I want to get my bench press-to-body-weight ratio back to at least 1.5. What do I mean? I mean that I want to be able to bench press at least 1.5 times my own body weight. As of right now, I weigh between 210 and 215 depending on the scale I use and my one rep max on a bench press is only 235 as of a few days ago. This is absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable to me. Referencing what I remember I could do in the gym a few years ago compared to now shows how lazy I got and how much I slacked off. This is all going to change starting last week.
All in all and in conclusion, I’m turning myself around and am going to make myself look the way I want to. I’m sick and tired of how I look now and I’m damn determined to do something about it. Stay tuned for updates and more documentation on my progress.